I would have to say the last 18-24 months have been the hardest in my life. There have been some incredible things that have happened (engaged to my best friend) but mostly it has been full of the lowest lows, career crisis, weight gain etc.
I quit my job because I was crying in my office everyday, I hated it. It never challenged me, it just frustrated me and in the end I didn't try which ended up that I would make mistakes and get reprimanded causing more tears. Once I got out of that job I was so much happier. I was able to focus on myself and begin down the road to trying to turn around my weight gain and work out my purpose in life.
Since quitting my job, I have my own company and if I am honest, it is only to placate my family, I actually don't even enjoy the work, it's easy. I just feel like I need to focus on me and forget about the expectations of others and the idea that we all MUST have a job and work really hard and make everyone around us proud. My aim is to make myself proud. To wake up every morning and thing I am going to do something today to challenge ME! The pressure and expectation is what got me to this point in the first place.
My whole life I thought I would be in the entertainment industry having been singing and acting since I was 5. I went to uni straight out of school as it was the done thing and did a degree over 6 years that I will never use and I am not proud of. I feel like I have made a string of bad decisions based on other peoples thoughts not my own. I often wish I could go back 10 years and do it all over again.
I feel like this is such a long road to contentment for me but I just have to take it day by day and find happiness in the smallest things.
I don't know if I will ever find a place where I am not comparing myself to others or wanting more (I guess that's complacency - guess that isn't great) but i've seen what wanting more does to people who have it all, you never find happiness and I guess that's what I am after.
I know I need to give up on my dreams and be realistic. I am going to be married and need to contribute to my family. It sounds really silly but sometimes you have to realise it's never going to happen, too many obstacles both within me and the outside world.
Seems like this is the age to shake it up and find myself.
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